Japanese womyn grieving at seaside

I felt so blessed on the clear sunny January day overlooking the Noth Shore mountains where my dad loved to ski for 50 years. We were graced by an eagle circling round the trees above us.  Papa chose a fine day to go.

Immediately post death I was able to take charge of washing and dressing my dad.  I found myself speaking to him throughout the washing process.   This was one aspect of the home funeral that I was able to do.   As well, we played drums and sang many songs with my 2 sisters outside the window of the room where he lay in state.  This was our intuitive and spontaneous "sending off" ritual by us 3 daughters.  Washing, dressing, singing & drumming in ceremony took me a long ways to realize and process my father's passage.  

My father did a lot of good in this world.  He brought awareness of the importance of justice and human rights to the immigrant population in Greater Vancovuer, and throughout B.C.  He was a longstanding volunteer teaching classes at the Peopl's Law School at the Justice Institute.  He won multiple community Awards for outstanding service to the Japanese-Canadians. and for people of all ethnicity in Canada.  For all these things, and for adapting to life in Canada when he left his tenured professorship at a renound University in Tokyo at the age of 40 and took his whole family to Canada, my mother's home at her request.

So I honored him by designing a beautiful ceremony after his death in front of the community gathered at his celebration of life. I brought beauty ~ carefully designed flower arrangements around his protrait, beautifully sung songs, and live Japanese shakuhachi flute played while people had the opportunity to offer carnation blossoms in front of his altar.  So despite my "distance" emotionally with my father, I still showed my respect and gratitude to him.

I had a moment of nostalgia and sadness when I found his old cell phone where I discovered his recording of short little videos of things aroung him in his room, or accidentally shot a few seconds of footage.  After viewing many dozens of short videos, I felt grief.  This was a full 2 years after his death.

It's complicated.  I am grateful that I had my life in both Japan and in Canada.  Thanks to my dad, I have a rock solid sense of Justice, human rights for the minority and immigrant population and of ALL kinds of peoples in Canada.  He did his very best to find his place in his adopted country of Canada.  I am grateful for my mother and father's 65 years plus of solid marriage and giving us 4 kids a stable home life.

Thanks Papa.   You did very well and we are all okay.   Mama is fine too, though she is slowly losing her memory. 

Alisa K -- By My Heart and Hand graduate